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Sorry I've not been around much in here, of late. As some of you know ( the one's I keep in touch with outside of this board ), I've been having internet connectivity problems for awhile. And, been busy with taking care of my kitties for that CAT outreach program, taking Cassandra to all her after school things she does, etc.

Well NOW, oh joy, more crap to look forward to and by "crap" this time, I REALLY mean it. What could that "crap" be, you ask? Read on....

Several days ago while I was in my kitchen, doing nothing but just making myself some breakfast, all of a sudden, my right knee let out a loud POP sound and then, after that, this HORRIBLE pain radiated down my leg. I got to a kitchen chair and sat down for a bit, and kept massaging my knee. I got up several minutes later very slowly and the rest of the day, I was hobble along Cassidy, but I was not in that much pain and didn't think that much of it. When you get older and you have arthritis, you hear all sorts of creaks and groans out of your body all the time. But this one was really loud and it did hurt like hell for awhile.

But I did notice that it not only hurt where my kneecap was, but behind my knee, you know, where you have to bend your leg. It feels as if someone took a baseball bat to that part of my leg, it's that sore. I called my doctors office and I can't go in and see him until tomorrow ( Friday ) at 4 PM. I'm having hubby drive me. I had a very long talk on the phone yesterday with my brother. I did go out yesterday and do my weekly taking care of the cats in my care at the CAT outreach at the Hillsboro Petsmart. But it took me much longer to do the cat's cages due to my right knee/leg. And by the time I got out of there, it was really throbbing and hurting like a BEOTCH!

My brother said to me that it sounds like I might of torn my Miniscus in my knee. That is another name for the one of the cartiledges in your knee that keeps your knee stable for walking. http://www.arthroscopy.com/sp05005.htm

The ONLY problem I'd see with Universal Health Care here in the U.S. Lou is that it would be run by our Government. And as you all have seen what a "bang-up" job it's done for our economy

Obama's plan doesn't sound so bad and it will, eventually, get everyone insured in one way or another. We have something supplemental on top of our "usual" insurance called a Health Savings Account. It's a card we use just like a credit card and it pays $10,000 on top of what our insurance will cover. So, all you have to do is if you know you are going to have surgery or expensive procedure of some kind is to call them up, let them know and they can have all of that money put in your account and you can pay it once you know what the bill is. It's awesome, really. My hubby's boss was able to do this because his business is so freakin' small and in the long run, it cost him much LESS as an employer to do it that way. And so far, it's done really well for us.

I just hope it's something else that some physical therapy can take care of. I hate the idea of YET another surgery. Since my daugther has been born ( and yes, she was even a cesearean section ), I've had way too many surgeries. I feel like someone's meal or something, I've been cut so many times!

Thanks for all the love, support and just the listening to me rant on, you guys, I really appreciate it.

Okay, now to what went on today at the doctor's office...

Well, it seems that I've got a very bad case of Degenerative Joint Disease in both knees but now, especially in my right knee, the one that "popped." The X-ray really freaked me out! I hardly have any cartilege left in the right side of my knee joint, isn't damned near bone on bone.

But the doctor told me that Orthopedic Surgeons are not too hot to just go on in and operate on people's knee's anymore without them even trying physical therapy. So he is putting me on a 6-week water therapy at the Hillsboro Tuality Hospital. Then, they are going to re-evaluate my knee then and see if I am a candidate for surgery or if the physical therapy helped.

They also gave me this cream I put on my leg 4 times a day for pain called Voltaren Gel. I can use that and my Aleve for the pain. But they do want me to stay off it as much as possible ( other than when I am doing physical therapy ) and to keep it up and elevated. Ice it when needed.

The BIGGEST thing that is really pissing me off about all of this? I now have to give up helping at CAT with my kitties. Yeah. I am so BUMMED OUT about that I could just CRY! But seriously, I can't take care of 10 cats and their cages, etc. with my leg like this. It damned near killed me last week, I was really messed up after that. It may of even made my knee worse, actually.

I'll keep you all posted, okay? Now I need to go and put on some more Voltaren Gel, put up my leg and go read some more of George R.R. Martin's "Song of Ice and Fire" saga ( I'm on book 3, "A Storm of Swords"). GREAT books, I highly recommend them!

Thanks for that, Aliosha. Yeah, that is exactly what my x-ray looked like, bone on bone. That's why I don't see, really, what the aquatic physical therapy is going to do for it. Like you said, it will straighten my lower limb muscles but it won't regrow my cartilage. I think they are just putting it off and avoiding the obvious, but oh well, I'm no expert here.

I start my water aquatic therapy tomorrow and I'm only supposed to go 6 times. After that, I go back to the doctor for him to re-evaluate it. I'll let you all know how it goes when I know more....

Alright Laura, that is ENOUGH, you hear me?

Who says the only good looking people on the planet are blonde and blue eyed? Screw that!

But I, too, am not happy with the way I look now, so I hear you on that point. But you have to quit being so hard on yourself. All of that negative input to yourself does you nor anyone else any good at all.

I'm sorry to hear about your car and all the other shit. I'm not too thrilled this holiday season, either, due to health issues ( go see the rant section and the health post I just did to see what I'm talking about ).

I had such high hopes for this year with weight loss, exercise, etc. But other areas of my health screwed me over and did not allow it. But, if you think in 2009 I'm going to give up, think again! I WILL get this weight off and I WILL learn to live with this freakin' arthritis and be human again. So if I can think that positive about my fucked up situation woman, so can YOU!

You have my e-mail address and my phone number ( did I give you my cell phone number, too? If not, e-mail me, and I'll give it to you, okay?) Call me when you are at your wits end. After all, what are friends for, huh?

Where to start? Hmmm, that's a novel idea. Let's just say that today has been a very trying one on me and put it at that for the time being, okay? Why, you ask? Well, it all started like this...

It's still snowing, hailing, raining, re-freezing, you name it outside. For those of you who reside in the mid-west or back in New England somewhere, this is no big deal. You guys have this kind of stuff going on from November pretty much until March ( sometimes later ). But here in the Pacific Northwest, especially in places NOT near the Cascade Mountains nor in central or eastern Oregon, this is bizarre, insane and very dangerous weather for us. Most don't know how to drive in it, so many accidents insue that probably wouldn't if these idiots would either A. Just stay home OR B. Take mass transit and even C. chain the hell up!

All the schools in the Portland metro area are closed and I know they are going to be until Friday, so last week, not this one, was Cassandra's last week of school until Christmas. She goes out and plays in it for a little bit, but even SHE is getting sick of this. This all started on Sunday and it's still going on. We are supposed to get a break on Friday and Saturday and then, from Sunday through Christmas Eve, we are going to get even MORE snow. Freaking NUTS for this area if you ask me. I've not seen it THIS bad in the valley's of Oregon since the first Winter I moved to this part of Oregon and that was 1983! Plus, being the arthritic person I am, this crap is making my bones ACHE like a MUTHA! OUCH!

Speaking of such; I got my first shot of Synvisc today. Hubby has a 4 wheel drive truck for work and he got home early to take me. It was not that bad at all. Very thin needle and I lay on my back to get it, so I just look up at the ceiling, they warn me before they stick it in and it was done really quick and just a slight pinch when the needle went in. My leg felt really strange for a couple of hours afterwards, though, but it now seems fine. Two more shots to go; one on Christmas Eve and the last one on New Years Eve. Happy Holidays to me, huh?

Lastly, one of my online friends, dougri, just got diagnosed with throat and lymph node cancer. Yeah, and his 59th birthday was just the other day. What is most upsetting about it, you guys; he doesn't want to go through treatment. You heard me right. He came from an EXTREMELY dysfunctional family like I did, some of his family is already dead and gone and the one's who are alive, he doesn't talk to. He has no "significant other" ( he's gay ), and no really close friends where he lives. He says his insurance doesn't cover all the treatments he'd need and he doesn't have someone to take him to and from those appointments if he made them, anyhow, and they won't let him come and go on the bus. So, he says he's lived a good life and he's going to make a living will, divide up his stuff amongst all of his friends and just let nature take its course.

As a cancer survivor, myself, to me, this is just UNHEARD of. I was alone when I had to deal with my breast cancer at 30. I had no family up here, no boyfriend, husband or lover at the time, and I had friends, but not real close one's at that time. But I went and got my surgery and I got my radiation treatments. I took a taxi to and from my appointments. And I'm here and I'm alive 18 years later.

I want to tell him all of this, but he said that he had spoken with a friend of his that he is MUCH closer to than he and I are. This person is also a cancer survivor and he said he got all emotional with her on the phone last night about it. But it was today he had said all of his in his video vlog. And instead of calling it "Coffee With Dougri" like he always used to, he called it today ( and probably from now on, as well) "Cancer With Dougri." I don't think anything I'm going to say is going to change his mind. Or maybe, he is just going through the first stage of being diagnosed with a potentially deadly disease: denial.

All I know is that it is really weighing on me and I am really upset about it. Doug and I have had our ups and downs but still; I don't want the guy to die or suffer. And he's all the way in Rhode Island and I am here in Oregon. If I were a rich person, I'd say FUCK IT and after I got all of my Synvisc shots, I'd be on a plane over there and I'd MAKE HIM to go this cancer treatments and I'd be there by his side. But unfortunately, that is not the case. Not even close. What am I to do? I feel so freakin' helpless.

Okay, enough of going on and on about this. I just had to get this out. I told my hubby and Cassandra about this. They know Doug, too. Doug has always been very generous with us, sending us very cool things in the mail, being very open and honest with me about many things. They can't believe it, either. And they both know this is upsetting me. But I need to just let this go for a little bit. I have to be here for my family and enjoy my life and theirs. But I have sent Doug some Christmas goodies in the mail and maybe I'll wait to call him until Christmas day and then maybe, just maybe, I can talk some sense into him. Because right now, he's being very adamant and stubborn and it's hard to talk sense to someone when they are being like that. Best to wait until they calm down and are open to listen.

marilee. I really appreciate your response and what you had to say. It means a lot to me. Thank you!

The good thing that means the most to me right now is that my friend with cancer, dougri, is no longer resisting treatment and has not resigned himself to just die without a fight. I knew his closer friend Meryl, who is a survivor like myself, being closer to him in not only distance but relationship wise, would talk some sense into him and let him know of the help that is out there for cancer victims in his situation.

So yes, there are several more things I could add, since after all, it IS Christmas, but next to that good news,( other than I love my family and what we all got ROCKS), it all seems somewhat trivial at the time. I was so happy when he told me, I cried.